Wednesday, 22 April 2009

Dilemma


I met a girl a few weeks ago through some friends, she's really lovely. Anyway, I didn't think she was interested which I thought was a good thing as I'm thinking of starting on hormones etc. We've been in contact over the internet but I didn't really think there was much in it, I got a phone call from said friends saying that she does like me and I should make it known that I like her too if that was the case.

So my dilemma is, do I try and make something with her in the knowledge that I might not be what she wants in a year or so, plus have to tell her I'm TS? Or don't do anything?

If anyone has any thoughts on the situation they'd be greatly welcomed.

A perplexed Jenn x

15 comments:

chrissie said...

Jeesus, Jenn...

My view, for what it's worth, is go for it but TELL HER you're TS.

Or it's gonna be a painful mess, cariad. People will get hurt.

love
chrissie
xxxx

Sara Jones said...

I think you have to be true to yourself. Only you know how far you will go on the TS journey. Which would make you happiest. Completing your transition to Jenny or making a go of a relationship with this girl. Could you see how it goes with the relationship before there are any TS decisions are made? It might not work out anyway. It's a toughie. If it does work out what would happen to Jenn? Could you live without her as part of you? Of course you might get very lucky and this girl could love you for you and could accept Jenn. She could be your 'princess'. Hard for me to comment as I don't know her. Have any trans topics ever come up in conversation with here or a group you were both in? You could see how it goes and if Jenn is definitely your future, you could tell her before it got too serious a few months down the line. Bit of a recipe for hurt on both sides there I think. But that's life. It's seldom neat and clean for relationships. I'm sure that doesn't help much. Probably stuff you've thought about yourself. Sara xo

Lynn Jones said...

That's an easy question... the answer's not so obvious :)

Really? Honestly? I dunno. Umm. That's not helping is it? :)

If *you* like her (she's sweet on you), why not go on a date? See how things are. It's just a date right?

If things don't work out, don't share anything and move on as people do.

If it works out, take things as they come and when you're ready, tell her as much as you feel you need to.... if she's The One (and I don't mean as in The Matrix.. or Jet Li :D ), maybe she'll accept the dressing up and that'll be okay.

If you still want to transition? Well, only you can make that choice. I guess my questions to you are: what if you decide to stay a guy? Will you look back and regret this missed chance?

Calista said...

Tell he immediately about your trans life. The sooner the better. If she breaks up with you because of your transition, it will hurt less then when you tell her later.

alan said...

First off, I love that pic as well...I've truly decided you can't take a bad one!

Part of not knowing what to say here is not knowing what your friends know as well...if they truly know you, then they must think she won't be upset or they wouldn't be telling you to call her!

If they don't know then it's a whole other kettle of fish!

I wish I had something more intelligent to offer here...sorry!

alan

Jenny Ford said...

Woah, thanks for the comments and advice Chrissie, Sara, Lynn, Calista and Alan.

I think my main concern is that I wouldn't want to hurt her or lead her down the garden path.

Alan: The friends that introduced me don't know either so that's not a good gauge to go by.

Lynn: The missed chance was something else I was thinking about too.

It definitely feels like a fork in the road for me, if I choose the girl I might hold off/not transitioning and then regret it. If I don't I might regret not trying with her.

It's not an urgent decision so I'll have a think about it, in the mean time if you have any more thoughts...
Thanks, Jenn xx

alan said...

Not so much the gauge to go by as now instead of just worrying about one person you're worried about more and the ripples as well!

Lynn has probably figured out a good place to start.

Hugs, my friend...I wish life were easier!

One thing I know is that no matter who it is that shares your life they are going to be lucky!

alan

Anonymous said...

Hey - you wanna talk about dilemma ? It's taken me and Sarah a year to figure out ours, but we succeeded, as you are aware ;-) . Anyway, ideally, she would be 'bi', in that she would also be attracted to the female Jenny we all know. In that case, I would expect her to approve the full transition. If she's not 'bi', then presumably she wouldn't approve, and you would have to choose between keeping her, cancelling the transition idea, and ''trying'' ! to hide your fem alter ego - for the rest of your life - and believe me, that ain't easy ! OR accepting that TS is something you were born with, is with you for the rest of your life, embrace it and move on, and accept that this girl is not the one for Jenny. In logical terms, it would seem that the first step would be to find out her views and inclinations towards the TG community in general, and, if she shows approval, go the next step and suggest "ok, so, if I were a tranny, how would you feel about seeing me *dressed*". - it's called 'dipping your toes in the water', young lady :-) . Lastly, for now, I just have to say "I told you so" - and that was 2 years ago at the philbeach ! :-) . xx xx xx Mister D.

Chloe said...

If you just want to use her, you should not tell her. If it is anything more than that, telling her something of your situation is unavoidable. The problem is, when do you tell her? Over the first drink? No, I don't think so. But especially when intimacy is getting likely, you should tell her.

Good luck with that. It is a judgement call mostly.

P.S. You can have any dress girl!

♥♥♥♥♥ Jennifer™® ♥♥♥♥♥ said...

your blog is very nice

Nikki Welsh said...

After 15 years of deceit and dishonesty and load of guilt for not bothering to come clean with my wife, all I can offer is the old cliche "honesty is the best policy". Maybe this girl will turn out to be something different than you expect. Maybe the revelation will lead you down a good path (I always an optimist...) but I can guarantee that the opposite will only result in pain and regret. I am an expert in that field.

Nikki Welsh
Nikki’s Blog: Lost in Trans Elation
Nikki’s pics on Flickr

Becky said...

I'm not the right person to ask (so I don't know why I'm answering, really!) :-)

But perhaps this has opened up a door for you that you had previously given up on, and that's just reinforced your decision to transition?

It depends what you feel you need for long-term happiness. It might be "being a woman" or it might be "being in a loving relationship, possibly with a family". One doesn't preclude the other, but it can make the other much more difficult.

Speaking from experience, personal and second-hand, trans feelings CAN fade. Not always, but they do. But if your heart is set on transitioning, then you owe it to yourself and this lady to be honest with her, either by telling her you're TS, or just not pursuing a relationship.

Anonymous said...

I can only give my perspective, Jenn, but I am so glad that I was told early. It's all worked out well for us, and it meant that we could just get on with being happy together.

I hope, whatever you decide, it goes well for you xxx

Didi said...

Tell her and never commit the wrong I done, I enver tell to my wife my true self and now Im suffering the consecuences, start to be yourself if she undertund you and accept to stay close to your heart that would be awesome, but if not your soul will suffer every single day in a ahell were you fight against your real you and the role of boyfriend - husband and hurt to people you with your silence and her with your dark behavior.
Hope it help you honey I should fight everyday against my real me and my role, it turns me crazy and suicide, so I hope some day to tell her the truth but this truth will hurt her soul, and mine to feeling so sh*t

Vanessa Law said...

I think you should go for it!
Let her know about who you are. You never know, it may be a beautiful journey you share with her.