Saturday, 30 May 2009

And so it continues...

I've been doing a lot of thinking of late which is both a good and a bad thing. I kinda chickened out telling the girl I've been seeing recently when she enquired about my smooth legs, I told her I didn't like body hair, which isn't a lie I don't like body hair but it's a lot easier going out as Jenny if I've not got any body hair. The main problem I've been having is that she's really nice, we get on really well etc. She's probably the most perfect girl that I've liked and has been interested in me too, if I wasn't gender dysphoric I'd be completely over the moon. Instead I've been a bit depressed because I know that it's not going to work out, she's attracted to me as a guy.

I've been thinking I should tell her anyway and see how she reacts, if she was fine with it and had a relationship with her I don't think I would transition as that wouldn't be fair on her. If she wasn't ok with it we couldn't have a relationship, Jenny is part of me at the end of the day. Another part of me doesn't want to throw it away with her.

A very confused Jenny


Lynn Jones said...

It's difficult isn't it?

For what it's worth, I think you're on the right track by being so honest. I mean, if it works, then cool, off you go into the sunset together for some fab & groovy times ahead...

chrissie said...

Welcome to the club, petal.....

I had more girlfriends when I lived as a girl, than I ever had as a boy...

One was les, the rest were maybe bi. Others just didn't care and wanted soemhting a bit different. I didn't ask too many questions.

Jen.. I'm looing at your picture and to be honest if you're anything like that when you're presenting as male, then that young lady has GOT to be blind not to suss things.

Just take it as it comes, cariad.

Your call, pet....


Michelle said...

Hi Jenny,
I just started to follow your blog, so I'm sorry if I miss something. Anyways, One thing I would say is that if you feel in your heart right now that you will have to transition to live a full life, then I would have that talk with your friend. Your the only one that knows how you feel deep inside. If transitioning is something you can live without with the occasional time out as yourself, then it may work. But if you tell me that you can't live without being true to yourself, then I would recommend talking to your friend about it. Who knows, she may be more understanding than you think. She may be even willing to be with you if you transition. My wife has decided to stay with me, although we were separated for 6 years, my doing :( The point is she decided to stay with me through transition. I sometimes wish I would have talked to her more before we seperated about what was going on with me, but I never thought she would ever accept me being transsexual. The more we did talk during the separation, she did gain a better understanding of how I was feeling and is now supporting me in though some in her family are totally against it.
Who knows what the future holds for us, but we are making the best of it now and really enjoying our time together. I feel much better that I can be more honest with her about everything and even share with her my deepest darkest feelings. It has been great to find that in our relationship. I hope that you may find the same for yourself.
Good luck sis.
Hugs Michelle

Sara Jones said...

Sounds like a really difficult decision. From the 2nd paragraph of your post it seems you have almost decided to tell her. Maybe you could find a way to discuss the topic to see how she reacts without telling her about Jenn yet?

If you do tell her and she isn't okay with it could there be fall out if she tells others what you said. What about the mutual friends you mentioned earlier? Would it get back to your family? Would it get back to work? Would this matter?


Anonymous said...

Honey, you're experiencing the same confusing dilemma I was facing a few weeks ago, when a new girl came to work in our office. We have numerous attractive women in our office, but I didn't want to date them as much as I wanted to look like them. But then this new gal started, and I felt very differently about her. If we had been closer in age, I would have wanted to ask her out, and I was presented with a real-life situation that I'd wondered about for some time. I'd wondered what would happen if I met such a person, a person that made me want to present as male and conceal my female persona. The age different settled the matter for me, and the dilemma has passed. But if I meet another person who makes me feel like this, as you obviously have, I don't see myself having the nerve to risk ruining it with the truth, even if it's the right thing to do. On the other hand, the last woman I dated didn't like that I shaved my arms & legs etc, and I wasn't about to stop, so that ended before long. I'm only willing to go so far toward presenting as male, and tolerating body hair is going a little too far. It's best to find someone who appreciates a touch of the fem in their men.

Love always,

alan said...

Jenny, I can't blame you for the qualms you feel about possibly losing the relationship; that's a feeling no one ever looks forward to. Her perfection only adds to the need to "not rock the boat".

Always too honest for my own good, I'd have to tell her; like the line in the old B.B. King blues song "I ain't no refrigerator, I can't keep nothin' in"!

But that's me and my baggage; I can't tell you that's what you need to do- you have to follow that beautiful heart of your own!

One she'd be very remiss to let go of!