GP part 2

I'd got my appointment to see my GP again on Monday morning, after waking up at silly O'Clock (about 3am-ish I suspect) with an epiphany... I'll go to the GP dressed! Now that was decided the rest of the night was pondering what to wear punctuated by a few Zzzs here and there.

I woke up with plenty of time to get ready as my appointment was after the time I usually get to work and it's only a 5-10 minute walk. I had already finalised my thoughts (for once) on what to wear so that wasn't an issue, just a case of having a shower, shave, breakfast, teeth, get dressed and make-up - easy! I did minimal make-up, well as minimal as you can get with the foundation I have to apply at the mo but minimal all the same. As you can imagine I was a little nervous walking out the front door in to the big wide world on my own for the first time in to a public environment where I'd have to interact with people who weren't gay or trans, but out the door I went with my sunglasses - it was sunny, what's a girl to do?

After getting back
It actually felt really good walking down the road, when I got to the surgery they've got an automated booking in system where you have to put in your date of birth and gender - it did make me giggle when I had to select the male option. I was then directed up to the waiting room where I waited... and waited, the automated booking in system had informed me there was a 2 minute wait but it was way past that. The waiting room wasn't too busy but there were a few people in there, I even got a few smiles from people. Going to to doctors always makes me feel like things could be a lot worse and puts me back in my place, not that I'm a regular, this is my second time in 6 years or so, the first being a couple of weeks ago. I was finally called in (by my male name) although my first name could have easily been missed, I don't think she was expecting to see me dressed as Jenny and to be honest a day earlier I hadn't really thought about it, she said "I really didn't recognise you there". As I sat down she said that I was obviously quite comfortable there and we began to chat about various appropriate subjects but most importantly (to me), referrals... she's already put in a referral to Newton Abbot for me and asked if I'd like to be referred to a head doctor (because I'm obviously a bit nutty) to which I said I thought it would be a good thing for me to help understand things in my own head.

It was a reasonably short appointment but I came out really excited and happy I'd done it, I almost skipped home while texting a couple of friends. It puts smile on my face just thinking about it.

And now a big big thank you to everyone that's helped me get to where I am now, I wouldn't have been able to do it without you - sometimes the tiniest actions have the largest impact, that includes anyone that's read my blog or commented on my posts. Thank you!

A Happy Jenny xxx

To the Meadfoot...

I've just been sorting out the date posts were made so they're in the right order and on the right days, I must apologise if the change in the order of my posts has confuzzled you but I think it's better in the long run, while I'm being productive I thought I'd take the chance to write a post. After going to Sparkle and the doctors I decided I should get out a bit more, I'd been invited over to Torquay a few times previously by Dizzy although I'd always been busy before, I was actually free this Friday so it was a prompt departure from work to get home, have a quick shower/shave etc and get ready for going over to Torquay. Believe it or not I actually got ready in about an hour which I think must be a record for me, this I think was the first time I've left the house fully dressed, I was slightly worried about bumping in to any of the other people that live in the building, luckily that didn't happen and I got to the car (in a slight fluster but) without an issue.

I was thinking I really must get a sat-nav as I was driving around Torquay looking for an alternative route as I'd missed the turning, in the end I decided it was best to head all the way back to where I went wrong and take the correct turning. I finally got to Becky's flat where we were all meeting before going to the Meadfoot Inn, once we'd all assembled we made our way back along my erroneous route to the Meadfoot. It was Karaoke night so it was quite loud at times but everyone was really friendly and welcoming, someone even sang Sweet Transvestite from The Rocky Horror picture Show which apparently is a song that isn't a stranger to that autocue.


Picture from the toilets
in the MeadfootOne of the guys in there seemed to be quite taken with me, which was very flattering but I wasn't really interested. I'm not really attracted to men, maybe I'll feel differently about that in the future, I doubt it but who knows. It was quite funny, he said: "How do I flirt with you?" - hehe. Luckily he left to go on to a club and wished me a good night.

All in all it was a good night, I can't help thinking it was not really like the real world. It would be great if the real world was that accepting and didn't care about your sexual orientation or which gender you present yourself as but unfortunately it does. As much as I'd like to hide myself away in gay bars, it's not the real world.

Thanks to Dizzy and Becky for their hospitality, it was good to see Tanya again and catch up with her.

Bye-z-bye x

Sparkle 2009

Cheer cheer right to the end, it's Sparkle Weekend!!

If you've no idea what Sparkle is, check out the Sparkle website before we start.

Now everyone's up to speed, I took Friday off for getting ready and travelling to Manchester, I decided that I would treat myself to some false nails for the weekend and got to attaching them, first filing my nails and pushing the cuticles to where they should be, then started with the sticking while watching some comedy on BBC iPlayer. All was going well until I got to my thumb, the tricksy little tyke just wouldn't stick on my thumb, I think the nail is too flat and it kept popping the false nail off, I decided to attach the rest of them on my other hand and come back to the thumb but when I returned the same happened, and again in the morning when I tried for the final time! That was it, they had to all come off, such a shame because I really liked wearing them, the issue with taking them off was that the glue is really annoying and doesn't come off too easily so I was left with shiny patches on my nails where the glue wouldn't come off. I've vowed never to use them again, when I go full time I will get them done properly.

Anyway I drove up on Friday leaving sunny Devon about midday, I hadn't really thought about what time I'd be going through Brumlington which turned out to be rush hour taking the journey time to 6 hours - I felt completely frazzled at the end when I finally arrived after having a slight issue with a one way street and finding the car park. I met Sara and she helped me get my stuff up to the apartment where Rach was getting ready, it was in a great location looking over Canal Street. I got ready after realising the "dress" I was going to wear was in fact a jumper and would not work as a dress.



At the TINT party with SteffieOnce ready we headed over to where the TINT party what happening, the other end of Canal street. It was great to see a lot of familiar and friendly faces, Beckie Cannons the hostess with the mostess, this title for people isn't always true for people however with Beckie it certainly is with no doubt in my mind 100% true. After a few drinks and getting told off for having a party in their apartment we headed out on the town, to Canal Street! It was great night moving between various bars, we bumped in to a Hen Party - one of the many - and got chatting to a lovely girl who had a TS friend so she was asking about where I was down the TS road, it was good.



Steffie, me, Rach and SaraThe next morning, none of us woke up very early so we had some breakfast, got ready and headed out to the park to see what was going on and generally have a mooch about. It was semi-overcast when we headed out but when we got the the park it got lovely and sunny which made it all the better, Steffie met us there so we went around with her, she's always enthusiastic and positive - great company to have. There were various stands, from information to make-up to clothes to curry, this seemed a horrid idea to me on what was a hot day without central heating. We decided to get some lunch at one of the cafe's on Canal Street, we bumped in to Mr. D, Sarah Thompson, Lou and Debbie who were already sat having some food so we caused chaos and joined them. It was really great seeing some friendly faces I'd not seen for a such a while, I will try to remember all of you but if I miss you out it's not because I don't love you it's because I don't have a very large brain so from time to time things fall out. Stacy Bird, Claire, Fiona, Racheal Vedetta and Mr. Simon Ross, I'm sure there were more but my head's empty now. After another spell in the park we decided it was time to go back and get ready for the evening.

... While we were getting ready it had started to rain, time for a coat with a hood, luckily I'd prepared for this, ha haaa!! We bumped in to Debbie and Lou in the lift, a pleasant surprise. So off we went out in to the rain to New York, it's surprisingly close just a couple of mins walk - obviously not the one in America but a club. The music was exceedingly loud, super cheesy and didn't seem to have the best atmosphere so we only stayed for one drink, off we went in search of Beckie and Steffie out in the rain once more. We finally caught up with them in Eden which although was quite warm wasn't quite as warm as other venues. We came across Fiona whilst out on another venture out in to the wilds, it was too hot indoors and bitterly cold outdoors.

Fiona, me and KayIt was great chatting to Fiona about my journey down the TS road and hearing her experiences about it all. We got chatting to a couple that sat next to us, Kay and Kerry (GG), it was Kay's first time out and she was really nervous, she didn't need to be as she looked fab. We all have our angels, Kerry is certainly Kay's and I'm sure she will never forget that night. I bumped in to Debbie and Lou again, between you and me I think they were stalking us but I don't have any evidence, we finished off the night walking back to the apartment in the rain. Debbie was in her element looking like a 50's movie star splashing from puddle to puddle, it was so nice to see her enjoying herself so completely.

Rach, Sara and I decided to have a twilight snack and take what turned out to be a few blurred pictures, hehe.



Twilight snack and photoshootThe next day we had to be out by 11:00 so we had some breakfast and packed our things, it was so lovely to see Rach and Sara for the weekend, I couldn't have picked better company if I'd tried. They had to leave straight away but I headed back towards Canal Street in drab to meet up with Rach (Racheal Vedetta) and Simon for a coffee and a catch up as we didn't have time to talk properly on Saturday. After saying my goodbye's to Rach, Simon and Steffie who had also joined us whilst nursing a horse voice after having one or two tipples the night before, hehe.

I made the journey home with many lovely memories of the weekend swimming around my head and even more certain that I was on the right track.

Thanks to everyone at Sparkle
Jenny xxx

Catching up...

Right, sorry for my lack of posting recently I hope you'll forgive me. Here's the first update...

Very exciting, I finally got enough courage to go and see my GP about (my) Gender Dysphoria, I got to see a lady GP which is what I wanted. Beforehand I went on to the Angels forum and made a post asking if I needed to take anything specific or any advice on what to do, luckily there's people that have been there and done it all before me so they could give some great advice on what I needed to do/take with me. So I went in prepared with the contact details of the Newton Abbot Clinic of Gender and Sexual Medicine and a few websites:

• NHS Introduction to Gender Dysphoria


• TS Roadmap


• Mind - Understanding Gender Dysphoria

I finally got called in, I was quite but knew I needed to just come out with it so I said "I think I have Gender Dysphoria.", she gave me a look as if to say "and... do you want to expand upon that", I hadn't really thought about what to say after that but I thought starting at the start would be the best place so I told her about my childhood, teen years and how I felt now. She was very good and had experience of Transgender issues which helped as she asked (what I thought) were the right sort of questions and was told about the Newton Abbot Clinic, she said she'd like to get herself up to speed, find out a bit more about the NA Clinic and for me to see her in again in couple of weeks.

All in all, I thought it was very positive and I felt like I had done the right thing and I could start moving things forward. Yey!

That's it for this instalment, more to come...
Jenn xx

Zaaaap!

Continuing my update, this one's about getting some face Zaaaaping action (finally).

There's not much to tell really, I finally got an appointment having been given the all clear to have the Laser treatment, yey! I went along after work and was directed to the waiting room. They were running a little late although I wasn't informed of this at the time, more time to ponder whether I was doing the right thing - easy answer, yes!

I was called in by a lovely nurse (not that sort of nurse) who instantly put any fears I might have had to rest by explaining exactly what was going to happen and what to do afterwards etc. She gave me a quick hack with a disposable razor but admitted she didn't really need to, I was then made comfortable and sticky eye patches were applied so I couldn't see, obviously that wasn't the aim of them but to protect my eyes from the light.

My skin was cooled/numbed with a roller and then ker-pow... Zaaaap! Oooh, that wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be, the most sensitive area was my neck by my adam's apple. I'm not sure how long it took, maybe 20 mins?

Can't wait for it to start taking effect... not having to put really heavy foundation on will be fantastic! Fingers crossed for it all falling out and leaving my face nice and hair free!

On a side note while I think about it, I've not really been going out too much with friends recently, I think I'm probably aware that I'm going to have to come out at some point, I don't really want to be part of their lives so it's less of an impact on them/me. I'm not sure it's the right thing to do but it hasn't really been a concious decision, I've only just noticed it's been happening.

Jenn xx