True Jenny style

I know it's been a long while since my last post, it kind of got to a point where I didn't know where to start which in it's self became a bit daunting. Happy New Year by the way ;)

Apart from that, I've been well and have been going out a lot more but I'll get on to that in a moment, first I need to get up to speed with what's been happening.

Since London, I've had private head shrinkage which was required by Dr. Curtis if I wanted him to prescribe hormones for me. I did 3 months or so of that and was to my amazement deemed sane, I found it a great help although it did make me think about things (what it's supposed to do) and decided I wasn't at the point where I wanted to start on hormones so I didn't go back to see Dr. Curtis.

I have also been talking to a lady from the NHS about things which has been a great help and my NHS referral came through although I didn't know about it until after Christmas when I spoke to my GP again. I called them up and it turns out they had the wrong address, I corrected them and got another appointment through the post that I received and acknowledged.

Before Christmas I had decided to tell my parents about what has been happening, I actually decided to tell them a few months beforehand but it actually happened about a week or so just before in the end. They were really supportive at first and seemed to take it really well which was great and made me feel really happy about it, reality then hit with what it actually meant and then (/now) are finding it hard to come to terms with. With statements like "But you really like girls", "the music you listen to isn't very girly", "you like outdoor sports" and "you've never shown any signs of being feminine" are a selection.

I've been having (proper) laser on my face since before Christmas at sk:n clinics which I would recommend, the laser snaps a lot more than IPL but the results are so much better - IPL didn't have any real effect but laser worked from the first session with hairs falling out a week or so after the treatment.

I think that's pretty much what's been going on with me over the last 6 months with one omission but I'll talk about that another time. As I said earlier, I've been going out a lot more to public places, I decided before I could make any decisions about going full time it would be a good idea to spend more time out and about so that's what I've been doing. I've been out for walks, to the pub for lunch, cinema, theatre, restaurants, bowling and by no means least shopping.

Sorry I've not put a pic on, I'll dig one out for the next post.
Take care,
Jenny

Those that matter...

A month or so back I had a dilemma about whether to tell girl I'd met about me, in the end I thought it was best to bring everything out in the open with her. This was a good idea and we've become good friends but for various reasons (not solely due to me being TG) that's where we'll remain, she's been really supportive and has provided some great words of advice. I'm sure some may be disappointed but don't be as I've gained a lovely understanding friend.

On another tack now, I recently went to see a very good friend of mine who has been so since my first week at university. I went with it in the back of my mind that I would like to tell him about Gender Dysphoria and me, I had no idea when would be the best time to broach the subject or how. He's a little bit of a Monty Python fan and I was semi-tempted to come out with "I want to be a woman Stan!" but I wasn't sure how I would follow it, luckily the day before he and his wife had been joking that I looked like a Lady (cue Little Briton voices) because I was spinning a parasol belonging to their daughter. I said "Remember you said I was a Lady yesterday, well it's not too far from the truth - I've something called gender dysphoria which is when someone isn't happy with the gender they are." and after a brief pause he said "Really? Are you joking" (or something along those lines) so I went on to explain that it wasn't something I'd just decided but something that had been with me for many years. He was absolutely lovely about it all, gave me a hug (awww) and said that I'm still the same person inside with the same interests etc. We had a good conversation about it and I explained that the term Transgender is an umbrella term that covers a wide spectrum and that sexuality and gender are two separate things. He's been really supportive since telling him and asked for any web resources that might help his understanding on the subject, I passed the links I went to see my GP with plus a couple of videos I've linked to previously in my posts.

I felt like I could trust this person with this and hoped they would be understanding although I had to prepare myself for loosing a friend as you've got to do with anyone you tell, even family. I tried to tell my parents recently and couldn't bring myself to broach the subject with them, I'm obviously not ready for that one just yet. I'm so glad that I didn't loose a friend, I'm sure everyone won't be as understanding or supportive... those that matter don't care and those that care don't matter.

Jenny xx

Zaaaap!

Continuing my update, this one's about getting some face Zaaaaping action (finally).

There's not much to tell really, I finally got an appointment having been given the all clear to have the Laser treatment, yey! I went along after work and was directed to the waiting room. They were running a little late although I wasn't informed of this at the time, more time to ponder whether I was doing the right thing - easy answer, yes!

I was called in by a lovely nurse (not that sort of nurse) who instantly put any fears I might have had to rest by explaining exactly what was going to happen and what to do afterwards etc. She gave me a quick hack with a disposable razor but admitted she didn't really need to, I was then made comfortable and sticky eye patches were applied so I couldn't see, obviously that wasn't the aim of them but to protect my eyes from the light.

My skin was cooled/numbed with a roller and then ker-pow... Zaaaap! Oooh, that wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be, the most sensitive area was my neck by my adam's apple. I'm not sure how long it took, maybe 20 mins?

Can't wait for it to start taking effect... not having to put really heavy foundation on will be fantastic! Fingers crossed for it all falling out and leaving my face nice and hair free!

On a side note while I think about it, I've not really been going out too much with friends recently, I think I'm probably aware that I'm going to have to come out at some point, I don't really want to be part of their lives so it's less of an impact on them/me. I'm not sure it's the right thing to do but it hasn't really been a concious decision, I've only just noticed it's been happening.

Jenn xx

Dilemma

I met a girl a few weeks ago through some friends, she's really lovely. Anyway, I didn't think she was interested which I thought was a good thing as I'm thinking of starting on hormones etc. We've been in contact over the internet but I didn't really think there was much in it, I got a phone call from said friends saying that she does like me and I should make it known that I like her too if that was the case.

So my dilemma is, do I try and make something with her in the knowledge that I might not be what she wants in a year or so, plus have to tell her I'm TS? Or don't do anything?

If anyone has any thoughts on the situation they'd be greatly welcomed.

A perplexed Jenn x

House Work and Revelations

I decided to have a day to myself and get some house work done, I'd make a great little house wife keeping the house clean and tidy, doing the washing and the cooking. I just need a prince (or preferably a princess) to come and whisk me off my feet away from the responsibilities of my current life, I do hope it's an electric whisk too.


Mooching around the house

It's a lovely day out, I'd be tempted to go out if I wasn't so worried about being read/recognised, I've more than enough to keep me occupied so it's not too much of an issue. I think I'll be a lot more confident when I've had some Laser done on my face - ZZZzzzap!

I think I've had a revelation, I'm pretty sure I'm TS, I've been thinking about it for a while as I'm sure you may have guessed so I will be certainly seeing a doctor pretty soon - watch this space. I don't think I'll need to tell work just yet but I think I'll have to about <6 months in to taking hormones - eek! :D So everyone that's told me over the last couple of years that I'm TS and I said "Hmmmm I'm not sure", well you're right. I feel like I've hit a milestone (in my mind at least), I feel like I can make some assertive steps now. It's all going to be very exciting and scary, there will be highs and there will be lows I'm not fooling myself about that but I think I'm on the right track now.

Enough waffle, I need to sort out my clothes and put some washing on.

Jenn xxx

And so...

I've been pretty busy recently, no rest for the wicked so it seems. I did manage to get up to Lucy's Welcome Home Party which was great fun and amazing to see everyone, I've not been out in Brumlington for such a long while. I drove furiously to get there straight from work and some how I managed it in a reasonable time giving me a few minutes to get myself showered, changed and to the party, I must add I was greeted with a beautiful smile and glass of wine courtesy of Chloe. I was pretty much the last person to arrive (fashionably late is how I see it) although I don't think anyone was worried, it was fab to catch up with everyone and meet some new people.


We also went out to the usual: The Loft and on to The Village a bit later on. I won't bore with details but it was a great night even if I was caught by the paparazzi.

I have some good news, I've booked an appointment for a "Laser" session, so I've got to go and do another tester patch as it's with a different clinic to before. I'm trying to build up my courage to go and see a professional about me being gender dysphoric, gender variant, transvestite, transgendered or transsexual - delete as appropriate.

I'm not sure if I wanted to write anything else, I'll do another post if I remember something. Alan, sorry for any concern caused... I typed the title title and pressed enter which posted a blank post.

Jenn xx

Why does it have to be so complicated?

Well, I've not posted for a bit so I thought I'd better get back up to date.

I did finally decide what to wear going out with Tanya, Kate and Ian in Bristol as you can see from the picture below (thanks Ian). It was a good night.

Kate and I at Davina's

I was then super busy with work and my drab life, more on that later, only having a few mins to quickly check email etc. It's not all bad though as I've been away on holiday skiing, well snowboarding with an old friend (in drab) which turned out to be quite expensive with the pound being so weak. We were staying in a Chalet with other people so we had to be sociable, I noticed I easily played the male social role and enjoyed it too especially on the slopes. One thing that amazed me was how easy it is to identify gender through the thick layers of salopettes, jackets, hats and gloves, I'm still unsure whether it was the tailoring of the clothing or that men and women move subtly in different ways. Whilst away I thought about relationships but always return to the conclusion that:

1. Them being freaked out by me having shaved legs, etc.


2. I don't think it's fair to start seeing someone when I have it in the back of my mind that I'd prefer to be a woman and therefore not content with who I am.

I can't help but feel slightly angry at the society we live in and humans in general at the fear of what is different, it's probably a sound evolutionary reaction but surely we're past such primitive thought processes?

I think my main problem is that I don't know where I'm going, actually the real issue is that I know where I'd like to be but I don't know how I can get there. I like my family, friends, work etc and I don't want to loose them, I care how people think of me too.

We're 3 months in to 2009 and I don't feel like I've made any progress, I had a consultation about laser (blasting) my face but that fell through as their machine broke so I need to start again there. I've been too chicken to go to my GP to talk to them about it, the worst bit of all is that I'm going to look back and think why didn't I do something sooner.

Sorry for the mostly negative post but it's how I'm feeling at the moment, Why does life have to be so complicated?

Jenn x

All of a twitter

I've finally decided to utilise Twitter as a What am I doing/thinking now, if you're thinking what is Twitter well I should probably explain: Twitter is literally for broadcasting what you're up to at the moment, a bit like Facebook's status (which if I had an account, I keep meaning to get one) might say "Jenny - As the number of clothes I have increases so does the time taken to decide what to wear." so it's a little like a mini-blog if you will.

What's more is I've made it nice an easy to keep up to date by linking to my Twitter over there (on the right) under the heading My Twitter.

Time will tell how much use it gets.

I'm off out tonight with Tanya, a tgirl from Devon so I'd better get off and decide what to take to wear.

Jenn xx

Rise of the T-Girls!

I came across this video, it contains some very wise words:

Just do it! Get over the fear!

The good old BBC have written a great little article on (funnily enough) the subject of Gender Dysphoria/Transgender, it's from the Radio 1 Sunday Surgery program that deals with all matter of problems people might have. It's great that the BBC did such a program as they have such a massive audience, I'm sure it help a lot of confused people. My favourite comment at the bottom is: "I'm normal then? what a relief."

Just a little one this time, more to come...
Hugs Jenn xxx

Happy New Year!

I decided to start 2009 as I mean to go on so I took myself on what turned out to be a cold and blustery walk at Slapton Sands.

I wore the very popular boot of the moment... ugg! Some baggy combat trousers, a stripy long-sleeved t-shirt, my pineapple zipped hoody and my coat which didn't really go with the rest of the outfit in my opinion so I took it off for some of the pictures.

I tried to go very minimalist with my makeup, unfortunately I did have to have full foundation to cover stubble which was a bit of a shame but needs must, I put a little eyeliner on the waterline under my eyes, a small amount of mascara on my upper eyelashes and clear lip gloss. That's it! It's amazing the difference such a small amount of makeup (bar the foundation) can make, as I'm sure you can tell I'm very pleased with myself.

Once at the beach I got my camera out of the boot, deciding to leave the tripod behind and embarked on my leisurely stroll up the beach finding it's quite an art walking in a feminine way on a beach, this took a minute or so to work out.

I love sitting and looking at the sea - especially when it's rough - it's such an amazing and powerful thing that must be respected, I could go on but I shall spare you.


Looking forward to 2009 (The larger version didn't fit so it had to be this wee size)

Sea air + wind + wig = lots of tangles! I'm not sure it will ever be the same although I think it was semi-worth it for the first time out in 2009 (I need to make up for 2008), the first of many I hope.

Jenn xxx

New Year, new name?

I've been thinking about this for a while now and I know it's annoying when people change their names but I think maybe I'd be happier with Rebecca Jennifer Ford. For those that know me as Jenny, it will still apply but you can call me Rebecca, Becky, Becca etc. I was told by a male friend (in jest) that I looked like a Becky which amused me as I don't think he know's about me as Jenn.

As for the picture, I was flicking through my collection, I found this from the first time I met Chloe when we had a makeover and I liked it so here it is.

Happy 2009,
xx Mmmwah xx

Happy Christmas and a prosperous 2009

Well, it's Christmas time again I hope everyone has a great time over the festive period and a great New Year's eve. In the New Year, may your hand always be stretched out in friendship, never in want. A quick (but important) thank you to everyone that's made a difference in my life in 2008, be it concious or otherwise it's all helped me in some way and is greatly appreciated.

It is customary to make a resolution for the New Year, it's been said that those who break a resolution are a weak yet those that make one are foolish - I hope to be neither. I have a couple that I wish to complete:

• See a GP


• Get my face lasered


• Come out to (some of) my friends

These are all very personal things and big steps to me.

Let me know if you have any important New Year's resolutions, have a wonderful holiday and I'll write again in the New Year.

Love Jenn xx

Make up vids...

Here's a couple of make up videos that I came across. This first one is good although I'm not overly keen on the lips at the end, I think they look a little false - each to their own.


I love this one, it's a response to the to another video but I think this one's great/better (did I say that? Sorry), there are some great techniques and the model is fantastic before let alone after.

More of this person can be found here: http://uk.youtube.com/profile_video_blog?user=Strophanthus

Nothing more to report to be honest, I hope you've all got your Christmas shopping under control because it's only around the corner!! I've yet to start, a great example of do as I say not as I do. Thanks to everyone that's commented on my posts, they're greatly uplifting, always welcomed and appreciated.

Jenn x

TG Films...

Why is it that GG's (genetic girls) are playing the roles of transgender characters in films? Transamerica's lead was played by Felicity Huffman and now Nicole Kidman will play the world's first post-op transsexual in her next film The Danish Girl (a fictionalised account of the life of Lili Elbe by David Ebershoff), opposite Charlize Theron.



Hey ho, I suppose it's better than not telling the story.

Jenn x

The news, it's new and improved...

It seems to be the week for Trans news, here's one from Japan:


I love the way the presenter says that it's the first times he's worn a bra, I feel he doth protest too much.

Closer to home now with the introduction of the ID card in the UK, it seems TG's are going to have to get two cards, costing them double!! Here's the news article

But more importantly, not really news but... Club O (or Orgasm) in Bristol does Trans friendly nights, so I thought it would be great to go there some time early next year. You do have to be a member but it's only £5 for 6 months and it's a bring your own booze which they label up with your name and put it in the fridge for your consumption - a cheap night in that respect. I will have a think on dates and let you know.

I just saw my neighbour leaving the house in an "interesting" outfit, ironically I thought "she's a bit odd" as I turned from the window in my dress, heels and false nails.

Take care,
Jenn x

The boiler's fixed...

And so, the end of a particularly dry spell (in the world of Jenn) almost a year it seems. My boiler's fixed, I've had some time to myself and we have some new pictures, yey! So without further ado - I imagine you've already skipped down the page already so this introduction is quite superfluous - however for those who are patient, I thought I would try some new styles hair wise. Comments are greatly welcomed.


Something old and something new

So there you have it, a new (lovely) red dress and some new hair styles.

Toodles,
Jenn xx

p.s. Patience is a quality I have never possessed or mastered either.

What's more frustrating?

As the title suggests... What's more frustrating, not having any clothes, shoes, makeup, wigs, etc or having them and not having the opportunity to make use of them? I think I know which, answers on a post card.

I was hoping to get some pictures done over the weekend and to get some practice putting my makeup on (as I've not done it for a long while, I'm sure I'm a bit rusty) and to review what clothes I had and needed to get for going out on the 28th in Birmingham with Chloe, Lucy (I think maybe Becca + some others from TINT too) and Rach. So I was going to get some well earned and greatly over due Jenn time, did it happen? No, (as I'm sure you would have guessed from the lead up) my boiler broke so I couldn't have a hot shower but the flat was freezing with no heating, I know it's a lame excuse not to get dressed up but there you have it.

As a result no new pics, sorry.

I look forward to seeing any of you on the 28th, yey!!

Hugs Jenn x

A new home...

Hiya everyone,

Sorry I've been offline for so long, I'm in my new flat now, yeehaa!! I've had great fun (not) trying to get my broadband sorted out but I'm finally online and ready to go. I've not currently got any of my clothes down here so I've been walking around the house naked, just kidding, they have been looked after by the most amazing and lovely Chloe to whom I'm forever indebted for her endless acts of kindness. As with all girls and clothes I've been unable to hold back (now I have my own space) so I treated myself to a new pair of heels for wearing around the house, they're white fluffy mules which I can't ever imagine wearing out unless I ever dress up as an angel - I wouldn't hold your breath.

I'm planning to go out for Halloween at a suitable venue, any suggestions to where's going to be good this year would be greatly received. I'm not going to give away what I'm going to wear (just yet) but I've started searching for outfits and accessories so you'd all start thinking about it too!

Again my sincerest apologies to (in no particular order) Nicky (both), Beckie, Chloe, Leyla, Lucy, Tamzin, KyRa, Racheal, Sam, Rachel and Lisa and anyone I've missed (sorry) for being out of touch for so long.

Love and hugs as always.
Jenn xxx

Who's Jenn?

A worthy question indeed, and in answer to this I suppose she's a part of me that hasn't had the opportunity to go out or show herself since my last post. I am (and she is) alive and well but that's not answering the question is it? Ok ok ok, well first of all to avoid getting my self confused with who I'm talking about I'm going to refer to Jenn and I as "us", two people (despite that fact she and I are one and the same) as although I don't feel I change particularly when I am her, we are polar opposites as could be said for any two people of different genders - maybe the other side to my Gemini if you will - but different we are and it shall remain so. I would love for us to merge and become one however I don't think I'm strong enough long term to carry it off thus I will linger in limbo with the Ms. Hyde to my Dr. Jekyll. This however isn't too stressing for me however it does make me feel sad on occasions but I'm quite comfortable with my day to day life. I hope that vaguely makes sense.

"But where have you been" I hear you screaming... First of all I'm sorry for being mostly incommunicado but I have had few opportunities to get online so do apologise to you all including Jenn - bizarrely. I've been trying to sort out my Dr. Jekyll life which has lead me to move south, unfortunately I can't see any opportunity for Jenn to come out and play in the near future as in the short term I will be stopping with friends that are unaware of her. Which brings me to another issue I have which is where to store (hide) her stuff in the mean time, eeek! I'm sure I will work something out but I've no idea at the moment.

On a lighter note I came across a few articles that I thought I'd share with you all:
Two articles from Joannas Diary, the first of which is an article from Marie Claire with the title Are men treated better than women?
and the other is from the Daily Mail entitled True Life Trading Places. Both are well worth a read in my opinion.
Also for some makeup tips have a look at Eve Bridge - Free beauty tips and lessons

Hugs Jenn xx

Happy New Year...

As the title says: Happy New Year! I hope 2008 is a good year for you all (and me) and may the best of your past be the worst of your future.

And as it's the New Year I thought I'd give you the best present I can muster as I didn't post any pics last time here's one to make up for it.

Taken after the Outskirts Christmas do @ Chloe's

As for Jenny time, I've not had any chance to let the girl out of the bag over the festive period so no real news here unfortunately.

I did however come across this article which made me smile: A Cover Girl who's Simply Himself It's nice to read that someone can be themselves.

Take care, Hugs
Jenn xxx