At the Gender Clinic

I have been before so it's not a new experience, actually while I think about it I'll talk about my first time there. Cue wavy cut to soft black and white (Heroes-esque) flashback:

Driving around Newton Abbot, I decided I was a little lost but saw a sign for the hospital which I followed and parked in the car park and made my way in, after talking to the receptionist (I didn't even think about it, I just went up to the counter and asked her where to go) it turned out I was at the wrong hospital. I was cutting it fine as it was so I was sure to be late now, the nice lady gave me directions to the other hospital. I thanked her and went back to my car whilst trying to call the Gender Clinic to let them know I was coming but going to be a little late, I couldn't get through. I proceeded to get lost and resorted to getting google maps on my phone to see where I needed to go, after a little orientation I managed to get on the right road and found the right hospital.

I hurried my way up to what I thought was the right building, which wasn't, again I was pointed in the right direction. Now in the right building I said I had an appointment and was a little late as I'd gone to the wrong hospital to the receptionist, she asked if I'd been there before suggesting to go straight through, realising the fact I'd gone to the wrong hospital she directed me through.

It was all good and a good experience, I didn't even think about talking to people... I just went in. The appointment was good, mostly background, family, childhood how I felt stuff really.

So that was my first experience there, today my third time there didn't provide such a ridiculous story for getting there however it was good. We spoke about how I was getting on spending more time as me which lead to what my thoughts were about going full time.

We also spoke about whether I wanted to go on hormones and what the effects might be, the basics of them being lowering testosterone, softening of the skin, lower libido, and the like. I'm going to talk to their Dr. about the specifics and full details about them and what the long term effects might be. I will do a lot of research before going so I will know what questions to ask.

I mentioned that I wanted to know about what options I have for sperm storage, the NHS can't help me however there is a private clinic that can do it. It would be around £80-100 a month for up to 10 years storage.

I did have a look for a picture to attach to this post but they're on my other machine, I'll dig one out for next time, sorry.

Jenny x

Where I'm at...

In my last post I mentioned I'd had a referral through from the NHS, more specifically the Gender Clinic in Newton Abbot. I've been a couple of times now and I'm due to go again on Friday.

As I said in my previous post, I've been going out when possible as Jenny, this has been fine but I still worry how work/society/family/friends that aren't so close to me will change towards me and wonder if living a split life as I am currently is the best option - I don't wish to be isolated and to not fit in as a male or a genetic female.

I will no doubt have more thoughts on this subject.
Jenny x

True Jenny style

I know it's been a long while since my last post, it kind of got to a point where I didn't know where to start which in it's self became a bit daunting. Happy New Year by the way ;)

Apart from that, I've been well and have been going out a lot more but I'll get on to that in a moment, first I need to get up to speed with what's been happening.

Since London, I've had private head shrinkage which was required by Dr. Curtis if I wanted him to prescribe hormones for me. I did 3 months or so of that and was to my amazement deemed sane, I found it a great help although it did make me think about things (what it's supposed to do) and decided I wasn't at the point where I wanted to start on hormones so I didn't go back to see Dr. Curtis.

I have also been talking to a lady from the NHS about things which has been a great help and my NHS referral came through although I didn't know about it until after Christmas when I spoke to my GP again. I called them up and it turns out they had the wrong address, I corrected them and got another appointment through the post that I received and acknowledged.

Before Christmas I had decided to tell my parents about what has been happening, I actually decided to tell them a few months beforehand but it actually happened about a week or so just before in the end. They were really supportive at first and seemed to take it really well which was great and made me feel really happy about it, reality then hit with what it actually meant and then (/now) are finding it hard to come to terms with. With statements like "But you really like girls", "the music you listen to isn't very girly", "you like outdoor sports" and "you've never shown any signs of being feminine" are a selection.

I've been having (proper) laser on my face since before Christmas at sk:n clinics which I would recommend, the laser snaps a lot more than IPL but the results are so much better - IPL didn't have any real effect but laser worked from the first session with hairs falling out a week or so after the treatment.

I think that's pretty much what's been going on with me over the last 6 months with one omission but I'll talk about that another time. As I said earlier, I've been going out a lot more to public places, I decided before I could make any decisions about going full time it would be a good idea to spend more time out and about so that's what I've been doing. I've been out for walks, to the pub for lunch, cinema, theatre, restaurants, bowling and by no means least shopping.

Sorry I've not put a pic on, I'll dig one out for the next post.
Take care,
Jenny

The Big Smoke

I went to London on Monday to see Dr. Curtis of TransHealth about what options I have with regard to going full time and transitioning.

I stopped over at a friend's house on Sunday as they're about an hour out from London, I was presented with a beautifully wrapped present, a pink t-shirt with a cool binary design, I love it. Unfortunately my friend had to leave quite early so he didn't get to see me in the morning but his lovely wife was about and make me feel completely comfortable. She hadn't met me (Jenny) before I presented myself, she complimented me on my make-up skills and gave me a hug and her best wishes when I left, I really am very lucky to have such lovely friends.

The drive in to London went without incident although I ignored the directions when I got in to London and worked out my own route in which probably took longer but I had left with plenty of time. Once on Wimpole Street I parked up, paid for the congestion charge and the parking so I didn't have to worry about it. As I was early I gave Fiona (Fiona's Boots) a call as she was going for a job interview that afternoon, she had just got to Euston so it'd take a few minutes for her to get to where I was, I suggested to meet at Oxford Circus as that was the easiest tube station for her to get to. I made my way to Oxford Street which didn't take long at all, as I was there I thought it would be rude not to go in to Topshop for a look around, it was really nice to have a look around and felt a lot more comfortable than when in boy mode - I did have to buy a cardigan that I liked the look of. I also went in to H&M and got a vest top for £3, bargain! Luckily Fiona landed at Oxford Circus and greeted me with a big hug saving my bank balance from any more abuse, time was getting on now so she escorted me back to Wimpole Street. She'd been to see Dr. Curtis so knew where to go, we chatted all the way back about this and that as you do.

I pressed the button for Dr. Curtis and managed to get the words "I have an appointment with Dr. Curtis" out in some kind of order, the receptionist buzzed us in. I filled out a form with various questions about history, my details and consent. I was then called in, I said my good bye and good luck (for the job interview) to Fiona. Dr. Curtis had a medical student with him and asked if I minded her sitting in on the consultation which I didn't mind so it was ok, I was asked various questions about my gender history, childhood and the like. We spoke about options for my real hair and that any treatment wouldn't affect having laser hair removal on my face contrary to what they thought at the Nuffield Hospital in Plymouth (grrrh), what could be done with voice therapy and something I hadn't even thought about - Banking sperm so if I wanted to have my own children with a partner in the future I could use my own.

Another thing I hadn't thought of and hadn't come across is that some people return to living as their original gender either permanently or just for work and social gatherings, time will obviously tell on this one but (at this time) I don't think I will revert back once I've transitioned. We then talked about options for hormones, I would either have to go full time for 3 months or have 3 months of gender specific counselling, currently I wouldn't want to go full time as I still have a long way to go with getting rid of facial hair, I wouldn't be comfortable having to put so much foundation on all the time, I hate the amount I need when I do go out at the moment without that being every day. It was great to get things really moving in the right direction.

I had arranged to meet up with Beckie Cannons from TINT so I made my way to Westfield shopping centre not far from the big BBC building near White City, I did take a slight detour on my way but that's not important, I got their and met Beckie who was in drab yet looking dapper. We were both quite hungry so after walking the length of the restaurant strip went back to one of the first ones for an Italian where we chatted about how it went with Dr. Curtis and the like. After that we went around the shops picking outfits for each other, Becca's such a glam tran ;) It's thirsty work shopping so we went to Costa for some refreshments, can't beat a good hot chocolate, it's the best! The time was getting on so we called it a day, it had been such a lovely afternoon and I had felt quite relaxed out and about. We said our goodbyes and I started out on my long drive home, spending the whole day out was great and a real confidence boost - watch out world here I come...

Jenny xx

Browsers

I'm making a website at the moment, Internet Explorer 6 is 8 years old, if it were a human, it would be in a care home hobbling around with a zimmer-frame with senility firmly set in. It's not only slow but it's also inherently insecure. That apart, it's horrid to code for as Microsoft in their infinite wisdom decided that they didn't need to follow web standards and make up their own, as all the modern browsers render pages correctly according to web standards (even IE 8) it's hard to get modern techniques working in IE 6.

Google, You Tube, Amazon and some others are due to stop supporting IE 6, You Tube are already offering an upgrade option to IE 6 users. This means they won't test their sites to see if they work in IE 6 so you might still be able to use the site but it may not behave as expected.

So, my question is if you were using IE 6, would you mind having a message giving you options to upgrade before viewing a site?

Any take on the subject would be greatly welcomed.
Jenny x

BNO - wooo!

Chloe and I hadn't seen each other for a while so we decided to set a date to catch up and go out, after bouncing ideas around the country of where to go out we decided to head over to the good ol' BNO in Milton Keynes. Leading up to BNO I'd met Aimee, a girl from Exeter who's a few months ahead of me on the NHS conveyor belt so I invited her to join me.

I managed to get off work early so I could get up to Exeter to pick up Aimee and get on our way up to Milton Keynes, the pick up was swift and we were on our way through hideous Friday traffic, well I say through I really mean spluttering along with everyone else wanting to get up to MK. We finally arrived at the Windmill where Aimee was staying, Chloe and I were booked in there too but a room had become available at the Campanile and Chloe couldn't get hold of me (while I was at work) so a brash decision was made, not the end of the world but a bit annoying for Aimee - Sorry.

I got to the Campanile a little frazzled, it was great to see Chloe, I nipped in the shower and proceeded to get ready... about an hour later after being told I had to wear a skirt I was ready and on my way to pick up Aimee from the Windmill hoping my space would still be there when I returned, alas it wasn't and after shaking my fist which I was told wasn't very lady like I managed some precarious parking leaving my car flirting with the tranny-trench.

We joined everyone in the Hotel bar for a drink before heading over to the Pink Punters Night Club, it was great to see so many familiar faces, Stacey, Claire, Nesssie, Stella, Laura and Amy who I'd briefly met at Sparkle. Chloe and I had a good ol' catch up telling her about everything that's been going on with me, she's so lovely and wise - she gives the best advice.

Deciding it was time to head over to PP we made our way across the car park to the tranny-trench which almost got the better of Chloe, luckily she regained her composure and managed to get to the road unscathed. On our way over we bumped in to Danny who said "Have you seen my girlfriend?" which made me chuckle.

The rest of the night went in a flash, chatting to old and new faces, there was quite a good turn out which is nice to see. I spent some time chatting to Amy (GG), we got on really well and talked about everything and anything. I'd noticed a TS I had met up in Birmingham a while back who looked fabulous, not that she didn't before, Chloe said I should go and say hi which to be fair I didn't need too much pushing as I had Dutch courage by my side so I made my way over to her and said "Hi, do you remember me?" to which she said "No". Oh dear, I tried to explain where she knew me from but no bells were ringing in her head so I left saying that I thought she looked great and she was inspiring. It was quite funny but a little embarrassing at the same time.

Aimee decided to call it a night leaving Chloe, Amy and I to have a dance to some techno-dance-something-or-other which I couldn't really dance to, Chloe on the other hand is an awesome dancer - need to get some tips from there. We headed back for a night-cap as we'd still got some wine left in the room. On the way back I checked my precarious parking, Amy who hadn't been drinking for most of the night offered to move it in to a now vacant space, after trying to find reverse she did a beautiful job and parked it perfectly - who says women can't reverse park?

We got to the room and had some wine but most importantly FLAPJACKS! Mmmmm, yummy... they weren't just any flapjacks though, they were M&S Flapjacks.

Got up, had a shower, shave etc and got ready, minimal make-up despite the need for heavy foundation (grrh). It seemed everyone was heading over to the Little Chef for breakfast, collected Aimee and met everyone there. The staff didn't blink an eye and were really friendly, the best Little Chef in the world. We had a good breakfast, said good bye to everyone we were on our way, well almost, my car needed breakfast too.

The drive back was quite frustrating with traffic but totally worth it for the great night out with friends.

Jenny xx

Those that matter...

A month or so back I had a dilemma about whether to tell girl I'd met about me, in the end I thought it was best to bring everything out in the open with her. This was a good idea and we've become good friends but for various reasons (not solely due to me being TG) that's where we'll remain, she's been really supportive and has provided some great words of advice. I'm sure some may be disappointed but don't be as I've gained a lovely understanding friend.

On another tack now, I recently went to see a very good friend of mine who has been so since my first week at university. I went with it in the back of my mind that I would like to tell him about Gender Dysphoria and me, I had no idea when would be the best time to broach the subject or how. He's a little bit of a Monty Python fan and I was semi-tempted to come out with "I want to be a woman Stan!" but I wasn't sure how I would follow it, luckily the day before he and his wife had been joking that I looked like a Lady (cue Little Briton voices) because I was spinning a parasol belonging to their daughter. I said "Remember you said I was a Lady yesterday, well it's not too far from the truth - I've something called gender dysphoria which is when someone isn't happy with the gender they are." and after a brief pause he said "Really? Are you joking" (or something along those lines) so I went on to explain that it wasn't something I'd just decided but something that had been with me for many years. He was absolutely lovely about it all, gave me a hug (awww) and said that I'm still the same person inside with the same interests etc. We had a good conversation about it and I explained that the term Transgender is an umbrella term that covers a wide spectrum and that sexuality and gender are two separate things. He's been really supportive since telling him and asked for any web resources that might help his understanding on the subject, I passed the links I went to see my GP with plus a couple of videos I've linked to previously in my posts.

I felt like I could trust this person with this and hoped they would be understanding although I had to prepare myself for loosing a friend as you've got to do with anyone you tell, even family. I tried to tell my parents recently and couldn't bring myself to broach the subject with them, I'm obviously not ready for that one just yet. I'm so glad that I didn't loose a friend, I'm sure everyone won't be as understanding or supportive... those that matter don't care and those that care don't matter.

Jenny xx

GP part 2

I'd got my appointment to see my GP again on Monday morning, after waking up at silly O'Clock (about 3am-ish I suspect) with an epiphany... I'll go to the GP dressed! Now that was decided the rest of the night was pondering what to wear punctuated by a few Zzzs here and there.

I woke up with plenty of time to get ready as my appointment was after the time I usually get to work and it's only a 5-10 minute walk. I had already finalised my thoughts (for once) on what to wear so that wasn't an issue, just a case of having a shower, shave, breakfast, teeth, get dressed and make-up - easy! I did minimal make-up, well as minimal as you can get with the foundation I have to apply at the mo but minimal all the same. As you can imagine I was a little nervous walking out the front door in to the big wide world on my own for the first time in to a public environment where I'd have to interact with people who weren't gay or trans, but out the door I went with my sunglasses - it was sunny, what's a girl to do?

After getting back
It actually felt really good walking down the road, when I got to the surgery they've got an automated booking in system where you have to put in your date of birth and gender - it did make me giggle when I had to select the male option. I was then directed up to the waiting room where I waited... and waited, the automated booking in system had informed me there was a 2 minute wait but it was way past that. The waiting room wasn't too busy but there were a few people in there, I even got a few smiles from people. Going to to doctors always makes me feel like things could be a lot worse and puts me back in my place, not that I'm a regular, this is my second time in 6 years or so, the first being a couple of weeks ago. I was finally called in (by my male name) although my first name could have easily been missed, I don't think she was expecting to see me dressed as Jenny and to be honest a day earlier I hadn't really thought about it, she said "I really didn't recognise you there". As I sat down she said that I was obviously quite comfortable there and we began to chat about various appropriate subjects but most importantly (to me), referrals... she's already put in a referral to Newton Abbot for me and asked if I'd like to be referred to a head doctor (because I'm obviously a bit nutty) to which I said I thought it would be a good thing for me to help understand things in my own head.

It was a reasonably short appointment but I came out really excited and happy I'd done it, I almost skipped home while texting a couple of friends. It puts smile on my face just thinking about it.

And now a big big thank you to everyone that's helped me get to where I am now, I wouldn't have been able to do it without you - sometimes the tiniest actions have the largest impact, that includes anyone that's read my blog or commented on my posts. Thank you!

A Happy Jenny xxx

To the Meadfoot...

I've just been sorting out the date posts were made so they're in the right order and on the right days, I must apologise if the change in the order of my posts has confuzzled you but I think it's better in the long run, while I'm being productive I thought I'd take the chance to write a post. After going to Sparkle and the doctors I decided I should get out a bit more, I'd been invited over to Torquay a few times previously by Dizzy although I'd always been busy before, I was actually free this Friday so it was a prompt departure from work to get home, have a quick shower/shave etc and get ready for going over to Torquay. Believe it or not I actually got ready in about an hour which I think must be a record for me, this I think was the first time I've left the house fully dressed, I was slightly worried about bumping in to any of the other people that live in the building, luckily that didn't happen and I got to the car (in a slight fluster but) without an issue.

I was thinking I really must get a sat-nav as I was driving around Torquay looking for an alternative route as I'd missed the turning, in the end I decided it was best to head all the way back to where I went wrong and take the correct turning. I finally got to Becky's flat where we were all meeting before going to the Meadfoot Inn, once we'd all assembled we made our way back along my erroneous route to the Meadfoot. It was Karaoke night so it was quite loud at times but everyone was really friendly and welcoming, someone even sang Sweet Transvestite from The Rocky Horror picture Show which apparently is a song that isn't a stranger to that autocue.


Picture from the toilets
in the MeadfootOne of the guys in there seemed to be quite taken with me, which was very flattering but I wasn't really interested. I'm not really attracted to men, maybe I'll feel differently about that in the future, I doubt it but who knows. It was quite funny, he said: "How do I flirt with you?" - hehe. Luckily he left to go on to a club and wished me a good night.

All in all it was a good night, I can't help thinking it was not really like the real world. It would be great if the real world was that accepting and didn't care about your sexual orientation or which gender you present yourself as but unfortunately it does. As much as I'd like to hide myself away in gay bars, it's not the real world.

Thanks to Dizzy and Becky for their hospitality, it was good to see Tanya again and catch up with her.

Bye-z-bye x

Sparkle 2009

Cheer cheer right to the end, it's Sparkle Weekend!!

If you've no idea what Sparkle is, check out the Sparkle website before we start.

Now everyone's up to speed, I took Friday off for getting ready and travelling to Manchester, I decided that I would treat myself to some false nails for the weekend and got to attaching them, first filing my nails and pushing the cuticles to where they should be, then started with the sticking while watching some comedy on BBC iPlayer. All was going well until I got to my thumb, the tricksy little tyke just wouldn't stick on my thumb, I think the nail is too flat and it kept popping the false nail off, I decided to attach the rest of them on my other hand and come back to the thumb but when I returned the same happened, and again in the morning when I tried for the final time! That was it, they had to all come off, such a shame because I really liked wearing them, the issue with taking them off was that the glue is really annoying and doesn't come off too easily so I was left with shiny patches on my nails where the glue wouldn't come off. I've vowed never to use them again, when I go full time I will get them done properly.

Anyway I drove up on Friday leaving sunny Devon about midday, I hadn't really thought about what time I'd be going through Brumlington which turned out to be rush hour taking the journey time to 6 hours - I felt completely frazzled at the end when I finally arrived after having a slight issue with a one way street and finding the car park. I met Sara and she helped me get my stuff up to the apartment where Rach was getting ready, it was in a great location looking over Canal Street. I got ready after realising the "dress" I was going to wear was in fact a jumper and would not work as a dress.



At the TINT party with SteffieOnce ready we headed over to where the TINT party what happening, the other end of Canal street. It was great to see a lot of familiar and friendly faces, Beckie Cannons the hostess with the mostess, this title for people isn't always true for people however with Beckie it certainly is with no doubt in my mind 100% true. After a few drinks and getting told off for having a party in their apartment we headed out on the town, to Canal Street! It was great night moving between various bars, we bumped in to a Hen Party - one of the many - and got chatting to a lovely girl who had a TS friend so she was asking about where I was down the TS road, it was good.



Steffie, me, Rach and SaraThe next morning, none of us woke up very early so we had some breakfast, got ready and headed out to the park to see what was going on and generally have a mooch about. It was semi-overcast when we headed out but when we got the the park it got lovely and sunny which made it all the better, Steffie met us there so we went around with her, she's always enthusiastic and positive - great company to have. There were various stands, from information to make-up to clothes to curry, this seemed a horrid idea to me on what was a hot day without central heating. We decided to get some lunch at one of the cafe's on Canal Street, we bumped in to Mr. D, Sarah Thompson, Lou and Debbie who were already sat having some food so we caused chaos and joined them. It was really great seeing some friendly faces I'd not seen for a such a while, I will try to remember all of you but if I miss you out it's not because I don't love you it's because I don't have a very large brain so from time to time things fall out. Stacy Bird, Claire, Fiona, Racheal Vedetta and Mr. Simon Ross, I'm sure there were more but my head's empty now. After another spell in the park we decided it was time to go back and get ready for the evening.

... While we were getting ready it had started to rain, time for a coat with a hood, luckily I'd prepared for this, ha haaa!! We bumped in to Debbie and Lou in the lift, a pleasant surprise. So off we went out in to the rain to New York, it's surprisingly close just a couple of mins walk - obviously not the one in America but a club. The music was exceedingly loud, super cheesy and didn't seem to have the best atmosphere so we only stayed for one drink, off we went in search of Beckie and Steffie out in the rain once more. We finally caught up with them in Eden which although was quite warm wasn't quite as warm as other venues. We came across Fiona whilst out on another venture out in to the wilds, it was too hot indoors and bitterly cold outdoors.

Fiona, me and KayIt was great chatting to Fiona about my journey down the TS road and hearing her experiences about it all. We got chatting to a couple that sat next to us, Kay and Kerry (GG), it was Kay's first time out and she was really nervous, she didn't need to be as she looked fab. We all have our angels, Kerry is certainly Kay's and I'm sure she will never forget that night. I bumped in to Debbie and Lou again, between you and me I think they were stalking us but I don't have any evidence, we finished off the night walking back to the apartment in the rain. Debbie was in her element looking like a 50's movie star splashing from puddle to puddle, it was so nice to see her enjoying herself so completely.

Rach, Sara and I decided to have a twilight snack and take what turned out to be a few blurred pictures, hehe.



Twilight snack and photoshootThe next day we had to be out by 11:00 so we had some breakfast and packed our things, it was so lovely to see Rach and Sara for the weekend, I couldn't have picked better company if I'd tried. They had to leave straight away but I headed back towards Canal Street in drab to meet up with Rach (Racheal Vedetta) and Simon for a coffee and a catch up as we didn't have time to talk properly on Saturday. After saying my goodbye's to Rach, Simon and Steffie who had also joined us whilst nursing a horse voice after having one or two tipples the night before, hehe.

I made the journey home with many lovely memories of the weekend swimming around my head and even more certain that I was on the right track.

Thanks to everyone at Sparkle
Jenny xxx

Catching up...

Right, sorry for my lack of posting recently I hope you'll forgive me. Here's the first update...

Very exciting, I finally got enough courage to go and see my GP about (my) Gender Dysphoria, I got to see a lady GP which is what I wanted. Beforehand I went on to the Angels forum and made a post asking if I needed to take anything specific or any advice on what to do, luckily there's people that have been there and done it all before me so they could give some great advice on what I needed to do/take with me. So I went in prepared with the contact details of the Newton Abbot Clinic of Gender and Sexual Medicine and a few websites:

• NHS Introduction to Gender Dysphoria


• TS Roadmap


• Mind - Understanding Gender Dysphoria

I finally got called in, I was quite but knew I needed to just come out with it so I said "I think I have Gender Dysphoria.", she gave me a look as if to say "and... do you want to expand upon that", I hadn't really thought about what to say after that but I thought starting at the start would be the best place so I told her about my childhood, teen years and how I felt now. She was very good and had experience of Transgender issues which helped as she asked (what I thought) were the right sort of questions and was told about the Newton Abbot Clinic, she said she'd like to get herself up to speed, find out a bit more about the NA Clinic and for me to see her in again in couple of weeks.

All in all, I thought it was very positive and I felt like I had done the right thing and I could start moving things forward. Yey!

That's it for this instalment, more to come...
Jenn xx

Zaaaap!

Continuing my update, this one's about getting some face Zaaaaping action (finally).

There's not much to tell really, I finally got an appointment having been given the all clear to have the Laser treatment, yey! I went along after work and was directed to the waiting room. They were running a little late although I wasn't informed of this at the time, more time to ponder whether I was doing the right thing - easy answer, yes!

I was called in by a lovely nurse (not that sort of nurse) who instantly put any fears I might have had to rest by explaining exactly what was going to happen and what to do afterwards etc. She gave me a quick hack with a disposable razor but admitted she didn't really need to, I was then made comfortable and sticky eye patches were applied so I couldn't see, obviously that wasn't the aim of them but to protect my eyes from the light.

My skin was cooled/numbed with a roller and then ker-pow... Zaaaap! Oooh, that wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be, the most sensitive area was my neck by my adam's apple. I'm not sure how long it took, maybe 20 mins?

Can't wait for it to start taking effect... not having to put really heavy foundation on will be fantastic! Fingers crossed for it all falling out and leaving my face nice and hair free!

On a side note while I think about it, I've not really been going out too much with friends recently, I think I'm probably aware that I'm going to have to come out at some point, I don't really want to be part of their lives so it's less of an impact on them/me. I'm not sure it's the right thing to do but it hasn't really been a concious decision, I've only just noticed it's been happening.

Jenn xx

Informative video

I came across this video and thought I should share it here:


It's an informative video about Transgender and Gender Queer.

Two confessions...

Yes you read correctly, I've not only told the girl I've (semi-)started to see but a very good friend of mine.

Unfortunately it wasn't face to face with the girl which would have been preferable but via email (the next best thing?) but was brave and sent the message telling her, possibly the scariest message I've sent. Initially there was a lovely text message, but made no mention of the subject, the next day I got a lengthy response with various questions which in fairness I had said that if she had any questions to fire away so not unexpected. That's where I am with that at the moment, not the complete negative response I was expecting.

Meanwhile, Rachael an old rg friend came down recently to see me, it was great to see her first of all as we'd not seen each other for a good few months and secondly for the chat we had. It wasn't a completely out of the blue introduction to the subject of me being trans as she already knew, we went out a good while back and I told her then-I hadn't told anyone else since and we hadn't spoken about it since we split up. It's really nice as we still get on really well. Rach was quizzing me about the new girl and I'd said that I'd been trying to be very open about it and had sent her a message telling her. We spent the rest of the evening talking about whether I wanted to transition and the like, it was really good to talk to her about it all-felt like a weight had been lifted. I've been invited to go out with her sometime, she's seen me dressed but not how I dress now so that will be good and a little scary.

Thanks to everyone that has posted comments, all your advice and experience is greatly welcomed and appreciated, thank you!

Jenn xx

And so it continues...

I've been doing a lot of thinking of late which is both a good and a bad thing. I kinda chickened out telling the girl I've been seeing recently when she enquired about my smooth legs, I told her I didn't like body hair, which isn't a lie I don't like body hair but it's a lot easier going out as Jenny if I've not got any body hair. The main problem I've been having is that she's really nice, we get on really well etc. She's probably the most perfect girl that I've liked and has been interested in me too, if I wasn't gender dysphoric I'd be completely over the moon. Instead I've been a bit depressed because I know that it's not going to work out, she's attracted to me as a guy.

I've been thinking I should tell her anyway and see how she reacts, if she was fine with it and had a relationship with her I don't think I would transition as that wouldn't be fair on her. If she wasn't ok with it we couldn't have a relationship, Jenny is part of me at the end of the day. Another part of me doesn't want to throw it away with her.

A very confused Jenny

Dilemma pt2

Firstly thanks to everyone that's commented on the subject, your wise words are greatly welcomed.

I've seen the as for mentioned girl a few times now and all is going well, I've not spoke to her yet about this subject. We're supposed to be meeting over the weekend, hopefully it will be nice weather so I can wear 3/4 length short/trousers which will hopefully initiate the question about why I have shaved legs etc.

Wish me luck - eek!
Jenn x

Pimps and Ho's

Rachel Marie and I decided we should try out Club-O in Brizzel, well it was kind of my idea so I should take responsibility really. After meeting up with Rach, we were given the grand tour of Club-O by Geoff the owner, we were guaranteed to love it and it did look like a good venue - the club's got a (real) well! It accommodates a wide range of activities most of which I wouldn't be interested in a participating in if I'm perfectly honest - not that I usually lie.

The pub we were staying at was in the village where the whole road is gay*, if you know what I mean. After an ATM-Fail we walked in to town which is about 5 mins away to get cash and some food, while we were enjoying our food at GBK we see what was possibly the pinnacle of the weekend, a proper Pimp fully kitted out including cane, at this point we realised that we were in the coolest part of town. The area has all the high-street shops that you might want to visit for something new before heading out on the town, Topshop, H&M, New Look etc all present.

We got ready to the sound track of the Eurovision Song Contest which I was in awe of, one of the entrants had a girl miming and dancing while the real singer was at the edge of the stage - poor girl.

We walked to the club which only took about 3-4 mins, as we were new members we had to provide proof of address and ID which they didn't like the fact that we had our femme names despite me checking with Ge off before our arrival, ah no worries. It was pretty quiet when we got there, we got a couple of glasses and had some of the wine we took along - it's bring your own booze although they've just got their licence so it'll be available behind the bar soon.

There were a couple of RG hostesses, Sasha and Lucy somehow convinced me to get up and dance. Ordinarily I don't really do much dancing, partially because I'm pretty disjointed when it comes to that sort of thing but I think I danced a great portion of the night away.

During a brief visit outside to get some fresh air, Sasha and Lucy were surprised to learn that I wasn't particularly interested in men, it's funny how people just assume that if you want to be a woman you also fancy men. They'd not been around t-girls before but they said they really enjoyed their night.

Rach and I made our way back to the room we were stopping at, we got a couple of honks from cars going by - I'm sure they wouldn't have beeped if they'd looked closer hehe.

We had a good night anyway.

Take care
Jenn xx

*According to Geoff

Dilemma

I met a girl a few weeks ago through some friends, she's really lovely. Anyway, I didn't think she was interested which I thought was a good thing as I'm thinking of starting on hormones etc. We've been in contact over the internet but I didn't really think there was much in it, I got a phone call from said friends saying that she does like me and I should make it known that I like her too if that was the case.

So my dilemma is, do I try and make something with her in the knowledge that I might not be what she wants in a year or so, plus have to tell her I'm TS? Or don't do anything?

If anyone has any thoughts on the situation they'd be greatly welcomed.

A perplexed Jenn x

Visiting friends in Newark

Last weekend I took a long drive to see some friends I've not seen for about a year and a half, I'm not a very good friend, luckily Racheal and Simon are! We spent Saturday catching up and popping in to town for a few bits and bobs for going out in the evening, yey! Simon's a great photographer and took a few pics of me before heading out, somehow he managed to take a couple of good shots - given the subject ;)

Check out Simon Ross Photography.

We went in to Nottingham for the evening, first stop was the Pit & Pendulum which I really enjoyed as they were playing some really good music - I can't help being a rock-chick - even if I don't look like one always. Plus there were loads of Pirates loitering, yaaaaah! After a few drinks we moved on to @d2 which is about a 5-10 minute walk, ordinarily would be nice punctuation to an evening however on this occasion it was a bit fresh. @d2 is more trendy than the Pit & Pendulum, in that it is trendy, we had a few more drinks before NG1 opened, it's literally next door so only brief exposure to the Northern-bite.


Before heading out - Photo by Simon Ross

Now the best part about NG1 is that I got asked for ID!! I was quite shocked and flattered, I didn't have any ID on me so I had to flutter my eyelids and try and convince the bouncer I was of age - somehow I managed it, phew! The club's really cool, there are various rooms with different music not to mention a couple of chill out areas, it didn't really get too busy even towards the end of our stay.


In NG1

Throughout the whole night I didn't feel uncomfortable being out in Nottingham, there were no comments, just a really enjoyable night with friends - how it should be!

Thanks to Racheal and Simon for the lovely weekend, I look forward to seeing you both again soon.

Jenn xx

House Work and Revelations

I decided to have a day to myself and get some house work done, I'd make a great little house wife keeping the house clean and tidy, doing the washing and the cooking. I just need a prince (or preferably a princess) to come and whisk me off my feet away from the responsibilities of my current life, I do hope it's an electric whisk too.


Mooching around the house

It's a lovely day out, I'd be tempted to go out if I wasn't so worried about being read/recognised, I've more than enough to keep me occupied so it's not too much of an issue. I think I'll be a lot more confident when I've had some Laser done on my face - ZZZzzzap!

I think I've had a revelation, I'm pretty sure I'm TS, I've been thinking about it for a while as I'm sure you may have guessed so I will be certainly seeing a doctor pretty soon - watch this space. I don't think I'll need to tell work just yet but I think I'll have to about <6 months in to taking hormones - eek! :D So everyone that's told me over the last couple of years that I'm TS and I said "Hmmmm I'm not sure", well you're right. I feel like I've hit a milestone (in my mind at least), I feel like I can make some assertive steps now. It's all going to be very exciting and scary, there will be highs and there will be lows I'm not fooling myself about that but I think I'm on the right track now.

Enough waffle, I need to sort out my clothes and put some washing on.

Jenn xxx